epiphany

i've had a sort of epiphany tonight...i stayed home from work today because i am sick and need to sleep so that is exactly what i did until i could sleep no more and then woke up and had a lot of time with nothing (well, nothing that doesn't require exerting energy) to do and so i thought about a lot of different things and i spent the last 5 hours online catching up on and finding new and exciting photographers and anything to do with photography...so now i must put this into words before i clean my room and go back to bed...i've known for the last two years (basically since i set my camera down after finishing my 2004 series) that photography was missing in my life and i couldn't figure out how to get it back in...i still haven't, but now i've realized, it's a new year again (i also find it really lame that the occurence of the changing of the date is something that has to happen in order for me to take things further into consideration), i've spent the last two years of my life with little or no photography on my part and i've been learning other things about myself and it scares me!...i've found that taking all this time to figure these things out has only made me anxious and insecure...i really have no excuse to not do (or at least attempt) all the ideas that i have...i feel like my mind has been filled with so many other things that are so trivial that i cant fit in any thoughts about photography...so this is sort of like a new year's resolution in a way..but this time it should not end at the new year, but develop every year or every day or every hour for that matter...i just need to keep thinking...photography teaches me all the true things about myself that i dont want to lose sight of ever again...this epiphany is due in part to many different factors, which if i tried to list all, would probably kill me (cuz i would have an anxiety attack or something! ha ha)...but here's some of them that come to mind...alec soth's blog, my vacation home, my friends at home, my family, my lonliness in a new place, my new issue with anxiety, my job, the people i've met here in NY, the people i've learned about that are here in NY that are doing amazing things that i want to meet, the unending creativity of everyone i know, the state of the world, feeling sick and shitty
sorry to get all sentimental and emotional on you!
enjoy...good night